You can't expect any type of result only by pursuing a better
relationship occasionally. I'm not going to kid you. Repairing a
marriage takes some time. It also requires consistency on your
part.
Think back to how long you've been married. The issues currently
plaguing your relationship didn't start overnight. Don't expect
them to be resolved in one swift motion. It takes, without a
doubt, some dedication -- and time.
There will times, no doubt, that you'll be tempted to quit. But
don't. Instead of giving in to the feeling of hopelessness, gather
your strength. Take stock of any positive feedback you've
discovered. List all the ways your marriage is getting better.
I'd like to share this bit of research with you. It comes from
noted marriage researcher John M. Gottman, Ph.D. His research
indicates that the most successful couples are not necessarily
those who quickly overhauled their marriage.
He did follow-up studies with couples who had been through his
counseling sessions. He specifically wanted to know what made one
union last and the other didn't. His results came as quite a
surprise to him.
Those couples whose marriage improved, spent only an average of
five hours a week on the topic. Less than one hour ever day, seven
days a week. Imagine that!
What were they doing? For the most part, all these couples shared
several concerted actions.
And the first one is what I call the "Morning Goodbye Ritual."
Before either of them left for work that day, they deliberately
took the time to discover at least one event in the other's day. A
big meeting with the boss? A doctor's appointment? Or something
as simple as a shared cappuccino with an old friend.
One couple I know deliberately rises a little earlier in the
morning to be able to talk while the children are still in bed.
Neither is concerned with the kids running around at this time of
the morning. It keeps them connected.
They use the time not only to discover what's going on in the
other's "world" as it were, but they also discuss all the world's
political and economic problems during this time. It made them
feel more like adults and less like only parents!
relationship occasionally. I'm not going to kid you. Repairing a
marriage takes some time. It also requires consistency on your
part.
Think back to how long you've been married. The issues currently
plaguing your relationship didn't start overnight. Don't expect
them to be resolved in one swift motion. It takes, without a
doubt, some dedication -- and time.
There will times, no doubt, that you'll be tempted to quit. But
don't. Instead of giving in to the feeling of hopelessness, gather
your strength. Take stock of any positive feedback you've
discovered. List all the ways your marriage is getting better.
I'd like to share this bit of research with you. It comes from
noted marriage researcher John M. Gottman, Ph.D. His research
indicates that the most successful couples are not necessarily
those who quickly overhauled their marriage.
He did follow-up studies with couples who had been through his
counseling sessions. He specifically wanted to know what made one
union last and the other didn't. His results came as quite a
surprise to him.
Those couples whose marriage improved, spent only an average of
five hours a week on the topic. Less than one hour ever day, seven
days a week. Imagine that!
What were they doing? For the most part, all these couples shared
several concerted actions.
And the first one is what I call the "Morning Goodbye Ritual."
Before either of them left for work that day, they deliberately
took the time to discover at least one event in the other's day. A
big meeting with the boss? A doctor's appointment? Or something
as simple as a shared cappuccino with an old friend.
One couple I know deliberately rises a little earlier in the
morning to be able to talk while the children are still in bed.
Neither is concerned with the kids running around at this time of
the morning. It keeps them connected.
They use the time not only to discover what's going on in the
other's "world" as it were, but they also discuss all the world's
political and economic problems during this time. It made them
feel more like adults and less like only parents!
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