I'm not talking about expecting specific details in your marriage
to go perfectly smoothly all the time. Let's face it, not one of
us remembers to take the garbage out every day. And not one of us
can be expected to put the cap on the toothpaste every time we use
it.
So, those really aren't the types of expectations we're talking
about here. Instead I'm asking you to see your partner in general
terms as a loving partner -- to view your relationship as running
smoothly.
And maybe even play some "mind movies" in your head of how you'd
like to see an ideal day between the two of you play out.
Now this may seem like idle daydreaming, but recent research shows
that those individuals who have high expectations of their marriage
often do, indeed, experience the most satisfying, loving
relationships.
Independent research, conducted by John Gottman, confirms the flip
side of this coin as well. He discovered that those individuals
who adjusted to dealing with high levels of negativity -- including
irritability or emotional distance -- in their union were less
satisfied years down the road.
Those who refused to tolerate the negative behavior but gently
confronted each other when such actions crept into their habits
ended up happy and satisfied as the years continued.
Similarly, spouses who monitored their marriages to ensure that
quality remained high, were often more satisfied in the long run.
Just like the couples we talked about in the last lesson, who spent
a mere 5 hours a week mindfully keeping in touch with each other's
lives, a regular "expectation" check up is healthy.
Don't allow your view of marriage to slide using some worn out
cliché like, "That's bound to happen when you've been married as
long as we have." That's just an excuse to accept less than a
loving, happy relationship.
Change your view. Change your marriage. The research implies that
those individuals who started out expecting a certain level of
satisfaction received it and kept monitoring it to ensure it was
always part of their marriage. It's really never too late to
change your view.
to go perfectly smoothly all the time. Let's face it, not one of
us remembers to take the garbage out every day. And not one of us
can be expected to put the cap on the toothpaste every time we use
it.
So, those really aren't the types of expectations we're talking
about here. Instead I'm asking you to see your partner in general
terms as a loving partner -- to view your relationship as running
smoothly.
And maybe even play some "mind movies" in your head of how you'd
like to see an ideal day between the two of you play out.
Now this may seem like idle daydreaming, but recent research shows
that those individuals who have high expectations of their marriage
often do, indeed, experience the most satisfying, loving
relationships.
Independent research, conducted by John Gottman, confirms the flip
side of this coin as well. He discovered that those individuals
who adjusted to dealing with high levels of negativity -- including
irritability or emotional distance -- in their union were less
satisfied years down the road.
Those who refused to tolerate the negative behavior but gently
confronted each other when such actions crept into their habits
ended up happy and satisfied as the years continued.
Similarly, spouses who monitored their marriages to ensure that
quality remained high, were often more satisfied in the long run.
Just like the couples we talked about in the last lesson, who spent
a mere 5 hours a week mindfully keeping in touch with each other's
lives, a regular "expectation" check up is healthy.
Don't allow your view of marriage to slide using some worn out
cliché like, "That's bound to happen when you've been married as
long as we have." That's just an excuse to accept less than a
loving, happy relationship.
Change your view. Change your marriage. The research implies that
those individuals who started out expecting a certain level of
satisfaction received it and kept monitoring it to ensure it was
always part of their marriage. It's really never too late to
change your view.
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